WEBINAR OUTLINE:
Is it really a conflict?
When we think about conflict, sometimes our fear or trepidation outweighs what is happening. We need to ask ourselves something important:
Is it REALLY conflict, or is this just a difficult conversation I need to have to resolve something important with a team member?
Language is powerful. Conflict in our minds can be interpreted as “confrontation.” When we think of confrontation, we also connect to our own experiences about conflict and bring all those feelings and perceptions that can prevent us from having critical conversations.
Things we THINK are a conflict that is just challenging communications:
Delivering critical feedback
Sharing stakeholder or customer feedback
Sharing departmental or role changes
Correcting a mistake
Clarifying expectations after a misunderstanding
What other interactions do you file under conflict?
While people rarely LOVE challenging communication, if we can better understand our conflict type and those of others, we can turn potential conflict into fruitful conversations that build trust in the long term.
Perceived conflict or challenging communications are all managed more effectively with one simple thing: Preparation.
Just 5 minutes of preparation (but hopefully more!) can drastically impact your approach to a conversation just by making simple tweaks. Is preparation worth it? We think so, and Cloverleaf is the exact tool to support you in preparing for and customizing communications.
Four Potential Conflict Types
Below are potential conflict types that factor in the 16Types, DISC, and Enneagram results.
While we know assessments aren’t an exact science, as you review the four conflict types, consider:
Which one are you?
Which type challenges you the most and why?
1. “The Warrior”
Might be…
An Enneagram 8 -8s are prone to action. They might be unintentionally confrontational and even open to conflict. They prefer to be independent to avoid exposing any vulnerability. 8s will seek access to resources as needed to meet goals. They are sensitive to lack of control and are wired to step in and resolve things.
A High D in DISC - High D’s can see conflict as productive and might leverage it more than others would prefer. They see it as a source of access to reach their desired endpoint or accomplish goals that they see as crucial to their or the team’s success.
High Extrovert & High J on 16Types - E/Js are energized by a conversation, even if it is challenging. The high J will want to impose structure but also may be attached to their structure that encourages movement towards goal/achievement. They want to feel like they are MOVING forward. The risk here is sometimes there is movement, but not the right movement.
What Warriors may say during challenging conversations…
“If we don’t do this, then we need to do that, but we need to come to a decision.”
“This is crunch time!”
“Bottom line, this is what’s so.”
They will overuse sports analogies, talking about a victory of their own or another great team or player.
2. “The Accommodator”
Might be…
Enneagram 2 or 9 - 2s and 9s may be Interested in speeding through the problem or making it disappear entirely. They prefer to focus on the good in others and draw out of people as well. They truly enjoy seeing other people fulfilled (2). If they get to stay in harmony, they are satisfied, regardless of the outcome (9).
S and F on 16Types The SF is aware of the environment, seeing details more related to relational energy than logical practical details. They would address the factors they can control and take care of. They may even prefer to lower or stay off the radar in an attempt to minimize pain or discomfort for themselves and others.
High S on DISC - An S is sensitive to energy and the current vibe, picking up on people’s responses, needs, and desires. They will quickly know if harmony is missing and want to restore it. They may rush in during conflict to help if someone was getting the short end of the stick.
What Accommodators may say in challenging conversations…
“Well, it’s not an issue now, so we can just push through as is, and it will be okay.”
“Are you getting everything you need? Is there anything that I can help you with?”
“Is this something we absolutely need to deal with now?”
They may even change the subject or divert in an effort to maintain harmony.
3. “The Escape Artist”
Might be…
Enneagram 5 - 5s detach in conflict to conserve energy and resources. They would prefer to think through things, leveraging their knowledge in private to resolve intelligently. They will not spend effort or energy on drama or engage in intense exchanges.
Introverts & High Thinkers on 16 Types - It’s easy for the I and the high T to step away from anything involving feelings. They will want to apply structure to resolution when they are on their own.
High C on DISC - Disengage when the content of work isn’t contributing to a productive transactional task that needs to be done or when things get emotionally charged, EVEN if a necessary conversation may improve outputs. C’s will judge challenging conversations at the outset as threatening productivity. In a group setting, they will perceive conflict as disrupting their process.
What Escape Artists may say in challenging conversations…
“It doesn’t matter; let it ride; it's not worth it.”
“I can’t work like this.”
“What's the point?”
OR, they might have no response, not engage in electronic communications, calls, etc.
4. “The Win/Win”
Might be…
Enneagram 3 - 3s want to achieve by focusing on efficiency to accomplish goals and setting aside personal feelings if needed. They are interested in being perceived as capable in the eyes of others. They may ask more than they tell in challenging conversations.
ID on DISC - IDs are equally committed to outcomes and as they are with maintaining relationships and connections. They will seek ways to authentically leverage aspects of relationships to drive resolution in difficult situations. They will invest more time in collaborating towards a solution than other types.
N on 16Types - Ns are forward-thinking and will seek opportunities for what will work to resolve a challenge, even if it is something that hasn’t existed before. N’s are more comfortable stepping into the unknown and may see conflict as access to innovation. (They may not love it, but they can find value in it!)
What a Win/Win may say in challenging conversations…
What do you think about____, How would you change x or y?
I’d like to discuss _________, but first, I’d like to get your perspective on things.
What do you see as the best-case scenario here?”
Do you have other questions?
Questions for Reflection
After considering these conflict types:
About You:
Which one do you most closely identify with and why?
How can you lean into the strengths of your type in future challenging conversations?
What gaps do you need to fill, given your conflict type?
About Others:
Which conflict type do you struggle with the most and why?
What is ONE thing you could do differently to engage with people of this conflict type?
What do you need to practice NOT doing with this conflict type?